Editing a Draft: Awkward Phrasing, Conciseness, Sentence Variety and Word Choice

Editing is the stage of the writing process in which the writer improves what has already been drafted. A student-writer does not merely correct spelling and punctuation; he or she also reshapes sentences so that they read smoothly, say more in fewer words, avoid monotony, and use the most exact word available. The four areas discussed below are among the most important targets of such editing.

a. Editing for Awkward Phrasing

Awkward phrasing means wording that is grammatically possible but unnatural, tangled or hard to follow. The student-writer edits it by reading the sentence aloud, locating the point where the sentence loses its way, and then rewriting it in a direct subject–verb–object order. Common causes of awkwardness are overuse of the passive voice, strings of prepositional phrases, misplaced modifiers, and needless nominalisations (turning verbs into abstract nouns).

Examples:

1. Awkward: The reason for the failure of the project of the students was the lack of the proper planning by the group. Edited: The project failed because the group had not planned it properly.

2. Awkward: It was decided by the committee that the meeting should be postponed by them. Edited: The committee decided to postpone the meeting.

3. Awkward: The essay was written by him in which he discusses about the problem of pollution in the city of Kathmandu. Edited: In his essay he discusses pollution in Kathmandu. (Also removes the redundant "about" after "discusses".)

b. Editing for Concise Sentences

Conciseness means expressing an idea in the fewest words that still carry the full meaning. The student-writer edits by deleting empty openers ("It is important to note that…"), removing redundant pairs ("each and every", "basic fundamentals"), cutting needless qualifiers ("very", "really", "quite"), and replacing wordy phrases with single words.

Examples:

1. Wordy: Due to the fact that the bus was late, we arrived at the examination hall after the scheduled time. Concise: Because the bus was late, we reached the examination hall late.

2. Wordy: In my personal opinion, I think that the present situation at the moment is very serious in nature. Concise: I think the present situation is serious.

3. Wordy: The teacher gave a demonstration of how the experiment should be carried out by the students. Concise: The teacher demonstrated how to carry out the experiment.

c. Editing for Varied Sentences

Varied sentences keep the reader interested and show the writer's control of syntax. A draft that uses only short simple sentences sounds childish, while one that uses only long complex sentences tires the reader. The student-writer edits by checking the length and opening word of each sentence, then mixing simple, compound and complex sentences, and occasionally using a question, an imperative or an inverted order.

Examples:

1. Monotonous: I woke up early. I brushed my teeth. I ate my breakfast. I went to college. Varied: I woke up early and brushed my teeth. After a quick breakfast, I went to college.

2. Monotonous: The library is quiet. The library has many books. The library is near the campus. Varied: The library, which is near the campus, is quiet and has many books.

3. Monotonous: We reached the village. It was raining heavily. We could not find a shelter. Varied: When we reached the village, it was raining so heavily that we could not find a shelter.

d. Editing for Word Choice

Word choice (diction) concerns choosing the word that fits the meaning, tone and audience exactly. The student-writer edits by replacing vague or general words with specific ones, avoiding clichés and jargon, keeping the register consistent (formal writing should not slip into slang), and checking that connotation matches intention.

Examples:

1. Vague: The food was very nice. Exact: The dal bhat was hot, well spiced and filling.

2. Inappropriate register: The minister's speech was totally awesome. Formal: The minister's speech was impressive.

3. Wrong connotation: The old man was skinny and stubborn. Better: The old man was thin and firm in his opinions.

Conclusion

Editing for awkward phrasing, conciseness, sentence variety and word choice turns a rough draft into clear, forceful prose. The student-writer should treat these four checks as separate passes over the draft, because each demands a different kind of attention: one to syntax, one to economy, one to rhythm, and one to precision of meaning.

Notes: Prejudice Against Nnaemeka's Marriage in Lagos

1. Spread of the Prejudice

• The prejudice against Nnaemeka's marriage was not limited to his little village.
• It had spread to Lagos, where many of his people worked.

2. Form of Prejudice in Lagos

• In Lagos, the prejudice showed itself in a different way than in the village.
• It was expressed among his people working there.

3. Attitude of the Women

• The women met at their village meeting.
• They were not hostile to Nene.
• Instead, they paid her excessive deference.
• This excessive respect was itself a disguised form of prejudice.

4. Significance

• The prejudice thus took a subtle, indirect form in the city.
• It was expressed through over-politeness rather than open hostility.